I can’t deal with..
the things I have on this photobucket I have a video of people from my youth group and we stopped and were all talking and laughing and dancing and then I have videos from when I was like 13 with an old friend and oh my god so many things on here videos and videos.
I am really close to posting all these old picture from my old old photobucket
but they have people in them that probably dont want me posting pictures of us and or them (ex’s)
“But I would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun.” - Jens Lekman
defines me completely, I’ve actually tried to explain this and tried to explain it to people and guys but nothing says it better than this.
its not like my viewers have changed or anything I know but I hate myself for not wanting to post on here and I know i keep on talking about it but I guess in these 4 years its never happened I mean I used to post the deepest thing and the worst things on here about how I felt about someone and always knew this was MY place. pretty sure it’s all in my head that anything I’m typing on here matter or will make anyone uneasy.
also I just want to say right now I really, really, really, want an arizona tea.
for awhile now dreams have always been I guess going along with my feelings and I’ve been noticing it and they stick with me a lot more now. I always have this dream where I want to tell this girl I don’t personally know, but still know, something that I know its not my place to say but I feel guilty about it and in the dream were really good friends. but the dream ends really really fast. and then the past few times I’ve had a dream where i’ve been jealous. which I just want to say I can be a jealous person but I haven’t been in more than 3 years now and counting. so that feeling was no where near me, or apart of me. oh I wish I could name names but pretty much I saw someone being really close to them which was someone super close to me who is with someone even more close to me and I got really jealous and mad because if it happened in real life it would be super fucked up because they already are dating someone. and then another time it was petty I got mad or whatever for them not wanting to be there with everyone but like, those are like 14 year old me feelings. thank you dreams. that sounds super crazy but it would make more sense if I could explain but that would give everything away.
I’m a bitch for everything I say on this subject so let me just say, I’m sorry ahead of time, it used to dig into me way more than it does now, it used to bother me so bad I used to dream about it as I said about saying something to someone who I don’t really know. but I’ve talked about it before with 2 people and I don’t really know. I honestly wish he never said anything, even though it was nice and I can say after time he did what he wanted to say the only reason I glad it happened because I knew he needed to get it off his chest but I just wish not with those words and I mean who am I to ask for different words? I should be thankful he took time to say something to me but those words were just too much and I 99% more than know he didn’t mean what he thought it did it actually gets me so mad that he doesn’t know what he said to me..
I wish so SO badly i was strong enough to write what I want to write about this.
for the first time ever I really just want to say I wish I had someone to talk to about it.
And I’ll Deserve Just That by Touché Amoré
A branch leaves its leaves, the soil is begging please don’t make another mess this season. A storm with a six letter name. I’m responsible for this hurricane. A big box if IOU’s rests inside my chest, with my hand holding a letter wishing you my very best. I did not sign my name, I’m responsible but won’t take the blame. A northwest climate on the brink of breaking, that’s behind your eyes while my hands are shaking. A revolving door that has no shame. I’m responsible and will not change. This homebody doesn’t need anybody, this body would rather be left alone. This nobody doesn’t deserve anybody, it becomes clearer as it goes.
But I would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun.
– Jens Lekman (via raspberrying)(Source: larmoyante)
Via I'm MeganI feel like theres a huge problem now because I hate posting personal things on here now…..I actually had a huge bit typed out and I just hate the feeling of someone reading it and its never been like that for the 4 years ive had this its always been my place to say what I need or want. damn it..theres still some stuff I don’t care if I post on here but I guess my personal diary posts will be going on my private one.
things don’t make sense, I mean like ANY sense at all. So I’m going to stop trying to understand (things dealing with things like that) people people people!
About me
No, no, no. You always had everything that I've ever wanted. And I still seem to have these thoughts. They are running, running, running. My body, my mind, my will. I've had it and I always will, I always will and I will always stay. Take time move forward. Take time move forward. For what? I'm only now beginning to see life differently. The visions I've had are still calling, calling, calling. and calling I'm searching and I'm finding my way. So I follow my heart, I always will, I always will.
